On the Subject of The Witcher 2 (Part 1)

Celebratory Tits

And so to one of my most highly-anticipated games of 2011; the follow-up to the superb, 2007 Bennett Cross winner The Witcher has arrived.

In this first part of my review, I shall be setting aside such trivial matters as gameplay, graphics, storyline, dialogue, tits, soundtrack, tits etc and concentrating on the much more important issue of packaging.

That's right, it's a COLLECTOR'S EDITION!

And what a CE it is, too. It's a big fucker, about 3 times the size of the original Witcher CE. Heavy, too, for reasons which will become obvious.

Nicely understated box. No idiotic publicity hyperbole.

Even more (or less) so on the back.

Like with the WAR CE, a large proportion of the weight comes from the hardback art book. This is another classy tome like the original Witcher art book, although with a hard cover and less nudity (sadly).

Beneath the art book is some papercraft model or other. I hesitate to "spoil" the effect by actually opening it. Maybe I should have bought 2 copies - one to keep for best. Then again this isn't the cheapest CE in history, so perhaps not.

A couple of DLC armour codes and some stickers later, and we're into the real guts of the box.

The Geralt bust. The other major contributor to the package's extreme weight. I would have preferred a model of a naked Triss or similar, but you can't have everything. Not to mention I'm not a huge fan of the (in my opinion entirely unnecessary) Geralt redesign in TW2, and this rubs it in your (my) face somewhat.

Nice, chunky game box. This would constitute a CE in itself for many games.

Game, game guide and bonus stuff. More on that later.

"How to Play Cards and Dice". A cute little guide book. But why would you need that?...

...aha! A set of dice, in a nice little Witcher pouch. That's why.

And then when you're done with the dice, there are some Witcher playing cards.

They look very classy, although again I'm hesitant to break the seal.

Nothing left in the box except some authentic Witcher dust.

In fact the weight of the bust played hell with the moulding in the box. The weight, combined with some less-than-gentle shipping no doubt.

And so that's it. Or is it? I happened to break open the bonus dvd box.

Only to find another papercraft model, and a map (complete with some long-overdue tits).

The game DVD box has a weird letter thing, in a fancy envelope, and a little coin which I almost missed on first inspection.

Cute.

For completeness, a better view of the stickers.

And so this time that really is all. In fact the more I got into it, the more impressed I was. The dice and cards are my favourite elements, and overall this collection is firmly at the Tabula Rasa end of the spectrum (i.e. good) rather than the WAR end (promises much, ultimately disappointing). Definitely one of the best CEs I've encountered, let down only by the price and the lack of pictures (or models) of tits. 9/10.

On the Subject of Mass Effect 2

Perla/Simi

I didn't really pay much attention to Mass Effect when it was originally released. I think eventually I picked it up cheap in Steam sale, and it really grew on me. To date I've completed it three times, most recently immediately prior to the release of the sequel. I'm still impressed by the storytelling, the dialogue, and the well-designed universe. It's interesting, reading back on my original thoughts on the game, that I had doubts about replay potential. It is true that there are sections which can be a bit tiresome, relying on simply skipping through some dialogue to complete an assignment. And the side-missions are still mind-numbingly repetitive and bland.

I'm not that far into ME2, so these will be more initial thoughts than a comprehensive review. Firstly, and mostly importantly, collectors' edition!


Thanks to the continued rise of digital distribution, a physical collectors' edition is becoming a rare thing of beauty. Fortunately the ME2 CE isn't too disappointing. At first it looks like a simple UT3-style tin box, but it turns out the tin is relatively slim, and accompanied by a separate package for the art book, comic and "Cerberus Network" card.


There could have been a bit more included, especially a figurine or similar. Instead the add-ons are complemented by some additional DLC, which is of questionable value.


Still, it could have been worse, and in general it's nicely presented. The biggest disappointment is that for some reason only the digital CE comes with a copy of the soundtrack, which is a bit cheap. Still, that's what bittorrent's for. I expect.

So, what about the game? Well so far I have some very mixed feelings, although on balance they're ultimately positive. First things first, being able to import a character from ME1 (assuming it completed the game) is a nice touch, and is well handled. Having played the games back-to-back it was very satisfying to see my familiar Shepard appear in ME2. The game does a good job of translating the character appearance, probably because if you look closely they haven't really changed any of the design options, just updated the textures and shaders.

Commander Shepard completes Mass Effect 1

Commander Shepard, the 2010 edition

And that's the big improvement in ME2. It does look very pretty, in the same slightly clinical style, while remaining pretty speedy. Thanks, no doubt, to being primarily developed for shitty old consoles. The characters look better, the environments look better. There's some quite subtle but impressive lighting trickery going on, and the shadowing in particular is a big improvement over the original.


But it can't be all good, right? Right. I think I read somewhere that the PC version of ME1 was outsourced, and it actually turned out surprisingly well. The inventory system often comes in for criticism, but I found it pretty workable. The mouse controls were painless and consistent. Unfortunately ME2, which was handled by Bioware as far as I can tell, is a major and frustrating step backwards in that regard. The game suffers from the same piss-poor mouse implementation as many other recent AAA titles, in particular Bioshock and Fallout 3. Turn down the mouse sensitivity enough to make your character controllable (and you have all of 3 settings to choose from. Seriously) and it's way too slow in 2D interfaces, including the time-critical hacking sections. So I'm forever switching my mouse's hardware sensitivity on-the-fly to compensate. It's shit like that which makes you wonder if anyone at Bioware even tested the game with a mouse. It's stupid, stupid crap which would take virtually no effort to correct, if they could just be bothered. Fingers crossed for a patch in the near future.
What almost certainly won't be patched, unfortunately, is the fucking awful inventory, or rather "loadout" interface. Because the looting of the original game appears to have been deprecated in favour of a convoluted, spoon-fed system of pickups and research which appears to offer a much smaller scope for customising your team.
Then there's the ship navigation. Instead of the relatively basic, but reasonable star maps with all the zooming in and out of star systems and driving around (very boring and repetitive) planets, there's some ridiculous micro-machines interface where you "fly" a mini ship around the map and... well there's not much to do. You can pick story locations to visit, or there's a bizarre resource gathering system which involves scanning planets for the materials you need to research weapons and upgrades. It seems very out-of-place, because at least driving around in the mako and shooting things felt like something Shepard ought to be doing.

The whole thing, along with the combined use/sprint/cover system has "console" written all over it, because obviously some drooling console monkey can't cope with having more than one button to press, or more than one thing being listed on a screen at any given time. It's very sad that the game has taken such an enormous step backwards in that regard, and it's a poor reflection on Bioware who are supposed to be the PC gamer's friend when it comes to this sort of stuff.
I mean, you can't even double-click on a menu item, you have to click the separate "confirm" or whatever button. Pathetic.
It's all the more frustrating because everything else is so good. The dialogue system is unchanged, which is a good thing, including the paragon/renegade options. The dialogue itself is first-rate, again, with some genuinely impressive voice acting. Even if you do end up with Fifty Cent as one of your first team members. The "Illusive Man" is a somewhat less impressive addition, reeking as he does of "G-Man"-style narrative stupidity.
The firefights are much improved, however, incorporating much greater numbers of enemies, and more variety.

So, like I said, a mixed bag. I'm really enjoying it from a story and action perspective, but pissed off that some elements of this game are absolutely worse than in its predecessor. It's both annoying and sad, because even if they hadn't changed those aspects at all, it would still be better than what they've become. It's like Bioware wanted to make changes for the sake of making them, or else they were simply too lazy to get the PC version right.
Anyway, because I'm not one of those cunts who thinks they have to "beat" a single player game as quickly as possible, I'm going to take my time and see what there is to see. I hope there aren't too many more disappointments in store.

On the Subject of Warhammer

Keeley Hazell

I wondered what the box was that was awaiting my return home from the front today. In fact it was only seconds before opening it that it suddenly dawned on me what it might be. Yes, it's the Warhammer: Age of Reckoning Collector's Edition!

First things first, the most important question to answer is, "how does it measure up to Age of Conan?".


They're definitely in the same ballpark. Which is to say, they're both rather large.


The boxes are exactly the same thickness.


AoC is about 2/3 of an inch wider. It's going to be a photo-finish.



WAR manages to pull itself back from the brink of defeat by being about an inch taller than AoC. I don't have a tape measure to hand, but I suspect WAR just clinches victory by being a fraction more voluminous than AoC, although it's almost too close to call. What you can't see, however, is that WAR is much heavier than AoC, tipping the scales firmly in WAR's favour.

So that's the exterior. What about the contents? Well, to be honest I haven't decided whether to open WAR or keep it sealed. You know, for best. Not because I have any thoughts of ebay'ing it (unlike the twat who admitted to buying a load of AoC CEs because original WoW CEs sell for big money now. Little did he know no one would give a toss about AoC and so he reckons he lost around $2k. Oh, how I laughed). Rather the thought of not even opening it amuses me. Because in any case I won't be installing it.

So you'll have to make do with the descriptions on the back of the box. Apparently there's some miniature in there, which is nice. And a graphic novel and the obligatory art book, just like AoC. No mention of a soundtrack CD, although in this day and age I'd assume there's one in there.

Conan Watch #2.1

I didn't even notice the numbered hologram on the spine of the box! I am the proud owner of the fifty six thousand, five hundred and thirty first out of ONLY eighty six thousand collector's editions! I feel special.

Conan Watch #2

Irina Sheik

It's the big day! No, not launch day. Well, technically it is launch day but that's irrelevent. Today is worthy of note because of the arrival of my Conan collector's edition. That's right, a shiny limited edition collector's edition!

Wooooo. It's refreshing to open the outer box and find it full of collector's edition rather than packing peanuts or air bags.


The little black book is some Gamestop bonus thing I think. In the order status it also mentions a "mini art", but lists it as "canceled" and I can't remember what that was supposed to be.


The actual box is a monster. The book effect is a nice touch.


Here's how the enormous Conan box stacks up against some other notable special editions. It is the biggest.


Inside, the box continues the book pretense, albeit briefly.


The money shot. To be honest, given the mammoth (haha) scale of the box itself, the contents are slightly underwhelming. A nice selection of discs, including the ever-popular soundtrack, a faux-leather map (which stinks of faux-leather), a nice, chunky art book, the manual and various ads, offers and guest passes. The box is largely comprised of a black spacer.


Some DVDs and a CD.


Tits! The art book isn't quite as classy as The Witcher's, but it's still nicely presented and voluminous.

In summary:

Presentation	9/10	A big box for a big game.
Contents	6/10	Not a patch on Tabula Rasa, but no obvious omissions and an art book with tits for extra bonus points. A miniature or other novelty would have been preferable to the smelly map.
Overall	7/10	Above average, with some impressive specs.

So, what's the game like to play? Fucked if I know, I haven't installed it yet.

More on the Subject of Limited Editions

Abi Titmuss

Unreal Tournament arrived yesterday so I can now add that to the hall of LE fame. It's a step up from the Crysis debacle, with a proper tin box and at least the art book is hard back and not so easy to mistake for the manual. Actually the tin is odd, it's designed to open from both the front and back, and has built in disc spindles on both doors. Epic have decided to fly in the face of practicality and fill half the box with a cardboard spacer so that only the front lid is operational, and provide both discs in paper sleeves (which is arguably preferable to scratch-prone spindles).
Still, it's a little light on the goods for a special edition. A little figurine or some other bonus hardware wouldn't have gone amiss.
A special nod to the EB/Gamestop package that includes "Unreal Anthology", which is basically Unreal 1, Unreal 2, UT:GOTY & Unreal Tournament 2004, plus a soundtrack CD. Not a bad bonus really, even if I probably won't both bother playing any of them.
As for the game, it runs beautifully and much more smoothly than the beta/demo. As I've previously noted it's common to bash big name games these days and many people like to pretend they're some sort of uber-gamers who are too good for the likes of UT3, and that FPSes (or MMOs) were only worthy in the olden days. Well that's bollocks. UT3 is more great visceral UT action, with some nice graphical flourishes and all the high-speed, well-balanced, adrenaline-fueled goodness of the previous installments. So there.
Of course it's not a patch on Crysis visually, but then at least current PCs can actually run UT3 at high detail.

On the Subject of Limited Editions

Krista Allen

I have to admit I'm a sucker for a Limited Edition. The promise of extra, exclusive shiny things is too much for me to resist, even if it's stuff I'll ultimately never end up using like a "making of" dvd.
On the other hand, the quality of "limited" or "special" editions can be highly variable. My copy of the Crysis special edition arrived yesterday and frankly it's piss-poor. Just a normal fat dvd case, with a half-arsed art book that I initially mistook for the game manual and three discs, including what looks like a copy of the sound track. Although I generally like soundtrack albums so at least it wasn't a total write-off.


Compare that with the Tabula Rasa collector's edition. Now, Richard Garriot comes from a golden age of PC game packaging in the 80's when game boxes routinely contained all manner of promotional junk (often in attempt to disguise the crappy game quality). Garriot's own Ultima games were notorious for their extravagant presentation so I was looking forward to the TR edition and wasn't disappointed. From the cover letter to the intricate construction of the box, from the id card with the serial number to the dog tags, it feels like they've put a lot of love into the design and makes you want to be a part of the game.


Bioshock didn't offer much in it's LE and doesn't come close to TR's presentation, but the miniature Big Daddy model alone makes up for the lack of quantity.


Guild Wars has also offered some excellent LE boxes. As a fan of Jeremy Soule's soundtrack work they're worth the extra cost for the additional soundtrack album alone, and the substantial artwork books are always worth a second look (not to mention the in-game mini pets can be worth serious virtual money if you choose to sell them).



The Witcher offers a similar LE experience to Guild Wars. Slightly sparse, but at least it's in a nice big box and basically well-presented.


And bonus points for including a porn mag (not really, but the art book is great).


Neverwinter Nights 2 was a let-down. A cloth map, a couple of cheapo rings and a half-hearted attempt at an interesting box.


Vanguard offered a nice big box, but not much else. Pretty much like the game itself, in fact.



So Crysis get's a lowly 2/10 for it's Special Edition box set. Still to come is the Unreal Tournament 3 special edition which comes in a tin box or something, although it sounds like that might be overshadowed by all the extra stuff Gamestop are adding to preorders.

Update: Apparently the Crysis SE comes in a proper tin case in other parts of the world, but not in the US or Canada for some reason. Still, that wouldn't be enough to make up for the sad lack of content.