Jelena Jensen
But I'm nothing if not generous, and so to give you a gentle shove in the right direction, and so that I don't have to come back later and kick your illiterate teeth in, here are some very simple guidelines to get you started and hopefully prevent you turning into yet another MMO forum twat.
1. Try READING a post before replying to it. All too often people reply to a title or opening sentence of a post and miss the entire point the original poster was trying to make. Don't respond to what the OP might have meant, but in all likelihood didn't mean. Don't assume you can predict every argument the OP will make just because it's a subject about which you're particularly passionate, or because you've been playing longer than them. Don't argue a point the OP didn't even make, or a point on which you actually agree if only you'd bothered to read their post in the first place.
1a. If you fail point 1 and someone calls you on it, do NOT attempt to justify your original reply by claiming the original poster obviously "meant something different" or that somehow you were actually correct, and begin a tiresome, thread-jacking argument just because you can't cope with being wrong. Shut the FUCK up and move on.
2. Do NOT begin a reply with "Uh,". That's shorthand for "I want to give the impression that I'm at least considering your point of view, but really I'm much more experienced and skilful than you, and I probably didn't even read beyond the first line or title of your post because that's all I need to know and now here comes my ill-conceived and probably entirely inappropriate, contradictory response".
3a. It's "couldn't care less", NOT "could care less". Fucking stop and think about what you're actually typing for one motherfucking second. If you do not care at all about something, you could NOT care less. If you COULD care less, you obviously care about it.
This one is becoming so common that people will even use that in itself as an excuse for using it. As if "could care less" is a sort of clever, louche variation that is doubly ironic. It's not, you're just a fucking idiot.
3b. It's rIdiculous, not rEdiculous, moron.
4. When someone posts a thread complaining about the difficulty of some in-game encounter, do NOT simply reply with some variation of "I did it easily" or "I did it first time". No one gives a shit about how good you are at a game, so stop looking for excuses to boast about it and try actually offering some helpful advice. Assuming you have any, and you probably don't. The fact is, there are some some games which can be beaten easily if you happen to get lucky, but can also be nigh-on impossible if luck is against you. Simply claiming "it's easy" is fucking ignorant.
5. If you've got nothing useful to add to a discussion, shut the fuck up. No one actually cares about your opinion specifically. No one's sitting at their computer thinking "oh, I do hope <insert your name here> posts in this thread". Your post is not some sort of definitive point of view that will render any further discussion unnecessary. You're not some sort of forum celebrity.
6. Polls should only be conducted by forum staff. Random yahoos conducting forum polls is like those fucking idiots in Guild Wars who announce "DANCE PARTY! EVERYONE COME HERE!!1!1!!", the ones who want to be seen as "popular" and "fun" and "wacky" but end up looking like fucking twats.
7. "Search is your friend" or "the answer's here: http://www.google.com" or any other version of "try searching" are not clever, crushing put-downs or witty responses to a question, no matter how frequently-asked it may be. They're not only arrogant but also stupid and short-sighted. Consider that in the future someone might be directed to the thread as a result of the very same search that you're advocating.
"Use Google"? I did, you fucking twat, that's how I got here.
8a. Do NOT quote an epic OP in full and then add a single-line reply. And doubly so if your reply is something fucking worthless like "+1" or "this".
8b. Do NOT quote some OP and then insert your ever-so-clever counterpoints within the quote itself, especially not when your additions are barely differentiable from the original text.
8c. Do NOT quote a post, and then alter the post, and then claim you "fixed it" for the OP you arrogant, lazy, self-righteous cunt.
9. Do NOT sign your posts. I fucking hate that. Not only is your forum user name visible for all to see at the top left (usually) of the post, but most forums also have a "signature" facility for all the shit taglines and hilarious quotes that you think will amuse everyone and make you popular. I know you probably think your forum user name is incredibly clever and original, and that you secretly want people to ask you about it so you can go into all the tedious details of how you chose it, probably including a list of the MMOs you've played under that name and how other people "probably remember you" from those games because you were such a popular, skilful player. The fact is no one cares, so shut the fuck up and stop adding your name to every single fucking post.
10. The "straw man" defense is a pretentious and lazy way of admitting that you are unable to refute a given argument. It is also increasingly common to see it being used by people who don't actually understand what it means.
11. I fucking hate the increasingly-common, probably American use of "addicting". AddictIVE games are addictIVE. Similarly, "looks can be DECEPTIVE", not fucking "deceiving". And I don't give a fuck if you can find some website that says I'm wrong, because I'm not.
12. Don't ever quote a "hilarious" captcha (where available) at the end of your post. It's just some random gibberish, it's not clever or amusing to anyone but you, you vacuous fucking retard. No one else cares at all.
More to come, as soon as I think of them.
No comments:
Post a Comment