On the Subject of Max Payne

Rosie Jones

For some reason Max Payne passed me by when it first appeared. I don't know why, perhaps the slo-mo effects seemed a bit cheesy and Matrix-y back then and it put me off. In any case when both the original game and the sequel were put up together for an eye-opening $7.50 as one of Steam's excellent weekend deals, I didn't really know what to expect. But at that price I was happy to take a chance.

And I'm glad I did. It turned out they're both excellent shooters. Naturally I'm only interested in single-player, but I was very impressed. MP1 is a great example of how a good game can still be absorbing and compelling and fun even with graphics that seem very basic by modern standards. And despite being a few years old, the sequel manages to maintain the playability while offering much more advanced visuals that, in places, rival many recent games.

The story is pretty basic, but in fact it's the simpler first game that I consider the better of the two when it comes to narrative. No real cheap, gimmicky twists, just a simple, "man pushed too far goes on a criminal-slaying spree". The sequel attempted to introduce more political twists and turns, not to mention a love interest, but at least it didn't mess with the killing spree part of the formula.

The sequel does have some nice touches though. The part where you're fighting your way out of your apartment building and encounter a homeless ex-cop and a hooker who both starting fighting along side you, assuming you didn't shoot them on sight, for example. Or the section you play first from Max's point of view, and then again as Mona, before they eventually meet up. And both games feature crazed dream sequences, more so in the sequel where the time line jumps backwards and forwards. Another highlight for me was escorting the bad guy who happened to be wearing a booby-trapped comic character costume.

In terms of sheer game play they're both pretty straightforward. Increasingly powerful guns help dispatch increasingly strong and numerous opponents. There are bosses, which pose more difficulty in the first game than the sequel, especially if you haven't been stocking up on ammo and painkillers. There are frequent (possibly too frequent at times) comic book-styled cut scenes, as well as in-engine 3D cut scenes. It all keeps the story moving forward nicely. None of Half-Life's anonymous everyman crap, this is a proper character-driven story that isn't afraid to show it's face.

The slow motion stuff is pretty solid. After using it at pretty much every encounter, I eventually settled into a routine of not using it all that much. Mainly at doors where you know there's a whole room of bad guys waiting for you on the other side. It's well-implemented, though, and slightly more useful and flexible than it was in FEAR, as you dive through the air and spin around to take out multiple foes in a single leap.

According to Steam, I played through MP1 in just under 9 hours, and MP2 in about 7. That doesn't sound much but in both cases I feel satisfied with the length and not at all short-changed. Not that I could be for what they cost. I wasn't rushing, but I was playing on the default level which is never too painful, even if it turns into a quicksave-fest every so often.

On the Subject of Prey (and Steam, and Jade Raymond)

Sophia Vergara

I picked up Prey on Steam for $5 the other week, on another one of the special weekend deals which also resulted in me grabbing Two Worlds. Except unlike TW, I actually played Prey.
I already knew it was quite short from all the forum chatter when it was originally released, although I have to say it was longer than I expected. That's the good thing about low expectations.
I thought it was ok. A bit same-y, with no real surprises and no really mind-bending puzzles once you get the hang of how spirit walking and gravity walkways work. Unsurprisingly the story was a bit shit. I don't know how whatshisname could be so infatuated with Jen, what with her bizarre elf ears. I'm trying to remember the end boss battle but I can't, even though I only beat it about a week ago, which says a lot.

Anyway definitely worth $5, but probably not much more. At least it ran well and looked ok (once I discovered that it doesn't like being run in "multi-monitor performance mode" or whatever it's called in the nvidia drivers).
Plus being on Steam means no stupid copy protection and needing the disc in the drive to play. Woohoo!

I've previously described Steam as having reached "critical mass" as a content delivery platform. Since then there's been quite a rush of new games being offered on the service, including a load of Epic games and a whole shit-load of Ubisoft stuff including Far Cry and also now Assassin's Creed (aka "Jade Raymond's Game") which naturally I picked up. Steam really does seem to have come of age, and is rapidly becoming a lot of people's first choice for buying new games, including mine. Now that Ubisoft's on board I assume we can expect Far Cry 2 to be on there when it appears.

Talking of Assassin's Creed, I'm not a big fan of padding posts with random youtube videos, but in this case I'll make an exception. Just how difficult did they have to make it to get out of that fucking game?



That's the thing about Jade Raymond, she's there to distract you from complaints about things like shitty interface design.

Here she is looking lovely.

Yes, Jade, Jade Raymond's Game Assassin's Creed is the best game EVER! Please take your top off.

Here she is looking lovely and giving a speech at a conference, the entire purpose of which was to teach players how to exit from Assassin's Creed.

'And then, it will say "Loading" again...'

Here she is looking lovely in an educational video on Gametrailers.com

'And then, you select "Exit Animus"...'

Here's Jade looking lovely and congratulating the winner of a competition to reward the first player ever to make it out of Assassin's Creed. Notice how even more petite and slim and lovely she looks next to the enormous gaming nerd. She almost manages to look relaxed and charming, rather than disgusted and irritated.

'Don't you touch me, fat boy'

Here's Jade looking lovely and showing an everso-subtle yet alluring hint of cleavage, and thereby eradicating all thoughts of AC's shit menu system.

That's it, baby, just a little bit more

Here's Jade looking lovely against an exotic view of the sea and palm trees. Imagine if that was a hotel where you and her were spending a romantic holiday together!

You're lovely, Jade. Please have my babies.

Here's a blurry picture, probably a frame grab from some video taken on someone's shitty phone. Jade Raymond looks lovely from all angles, in all lighting, even in low resolution.

Jade, Jade, lovely lovely Jade

Here's Jade looking lovely in a proper, professional promotional photograph.

How about a Jade vs. Lara bikini oil wrestling stage in the next Tomb Raider?

... aaaand right about now is the point where you've completely forgotten that Assassin's Creed even exists, let alone that is has a ludicrous menu system.

That's the magic of Jade Raymond.