On the Subject of Flash Video

Sara Varone

Something that has been seriously pissing me off recently is embedded flash videos. Why the FUCK can't anyone design a player that is smart enough to buffer enough data so that it will be able to play the fucking video without having to pause every fucking five seconds? Is it really so difficult to work out how much you've downloaded, and how long it took, and then calculate how long it will take to download the rest and compare that with the playtime of the video? Even fucking Apple can manage that.
And don't tell me my internet connection must be shit. My internet connection is just fine, but most of the bandwidth is being used to download videos and pictures of women with no clothes on.

Conan Watch #2.1

I didn't even notice the numbered hologram on the spine of the box! I am the proud owner of the fifty six thousand, five hundred and thirty first out of ONLY eighty six thousand collector's editions! I feel special.

Conan Watch #2

Irina Sheik

It's the big day! No, not launch day. Well, technically it is launch day but that's irrelevent. Today is worthy of note because of the arrival of my Conan collector's edition. That's right, a shiny limited edition collector's edition!

Wooooo. It's refreshing to open the outer box and find it full of collector's edition rather than packing peanuts or air bags.


The little black book is some Gamestop bonus thing I think. In the order status it also mentions a "mini art", but lists it as "canceled" and I can't remember what that was supposed to be.


The actual box is a monster. The book effect is a nice touch.


Here's how the enormous Conan box stacks up against some other notable special editions. It is the biggest.


Inside, the box continues the book pretense, albeit briefly.


The money shot. To be honest, given the mammoth (haha) scale of the box itself, the contents are slightly underwhelming. A nice selection of discs, including the ever-popular soundtrack, a faux-leather map (which stinks of faux-leather), a nice, chunky art book, the manual and various ads, offers and guest passes. The box is largely comprised of a black spacer.


Some DVDs and a CD.


Tits! The art book isn't quite as classy as The Witcher's, but it's still nicely presented and voluminous.

In summary:

Presentation	9/10	A big box for a big game.
Contents	6/10	Not a patch on Tabula Rasa, but no obvious omissions and an art book with tits for extra bonus points. A miniature or other novelty would have been preferable to the smelly map.
Overall	7/10	Above average, with some impressive specs.

So, what's the game like to play? Fucked if I know, I haven't installed it yet.

Thought for the Day - Jelena Jensen

Conan Watch #1

Minka Kelly

So the "Early Access" program has begun (I think). It's common, probably even usual for new MMOs to offer a short period of time where people who pre-ordered the game can start playing before the official release date. In this case it's the standard 3 days.
I preordered (the Collectors' Edition, naturally, which has been shipped and will be reviewed in a future Conan Watch) and as per SOP I received a preorder key by email which I was supposed to register to get access to the EA program and unlock any other preorder bonuses. "Unfortunately" when I first went to register, the AoC website wasn't yet accepting registration, and I subsequently forgot all about it.
Which brings us to what might be the first of many Conan farces. For some reason Funcom (or whoever decides these things) put a limit on the EA population. Why, I don't know. Why they should not have the same capacity for EA that they do for launch, a whole three days later, is a mystery. Why the "offer" shouldn't be open to all preorder customers is a mystery. In any case the EA is now listed as "sold out" when you attempt to register a pre-order key.
Of course the official spin is that they underestimated the enormous public interest in the game and weren't prepared for the huge number of people that signed up. As if that's a good thing, and not fucking stupid, given the game is supposed to be an MMO. If they can't handle the preorder population, it doesn't bode well for the full launch, but that remains to be seen.
I'm not obsessed with power-leveling and grinding harder than the next person so EA doesn't really interest me, other than the fact it's currently Sunday, which would be a more convenient day to play than Tuesday, for those of us with actual occupations. The way the population has already been tiered does leave a slightly nasty taste though, and I expect AoC forums will not only feature "I was in beta" but also "I was in EA" qualifications in every post.