On the Subject of GTA IV

Alley Baggett

I don't have an xbox or (god forbid) a PS3, so the overwhelmingly hyped release of GTA IV doesn't really mean anything to me. Even if there was a PC release, I haven't bothered with the series since the original, top-down version from whenever-it-was.
I get the impression that Rockstar must be a right bunch of cunts. They only seem to be capable of creating needlessly controversial and contentious games. In many cases these games have garnered a reputation for not actually being very good (GTA being an exception). They bring to mind, for me at least, some low-rent pool hall frequented by mindless lager lout nationalists and be-hoodied chavs who get a homoerotic thrill from the gratuitous carnage in the their wannabe-scorsese murder porn.
The funny thing is when I had that thought, it was immediately followed by the notion that they're probably really nice, decent people who just happen to make violent games. But then I saw this.

Check out this character, namely "Rockstar vice president and Grand Theft Auto IV co-writer" Dan Houser. Wouldn't look out of place with a pint of cheap piss lager in one hand and a broken pool cue in the other, would he? Or prowling the streets with his manly chums looking to stick it to "the other side" after the match. You know the sort. I couldn't have come up with a more perfect picture of what I imagined a Rockstar employee to look like if I tried. He reminds me of the surly little fucker who greeted the great Colin Culk on his legendary visit to Electronic Arts, reproduced here for your convenience.



He's no Jade Raymond, that's for damn sure.

I used to walk past some shitty Krishna "temple" in central London on a regular basis, and would often imagine how hellish it must be to have to live there. The first floor windows were completely barricaded with faux stained glass motifs, meaning the interior must be indescribably dark and dingy and claustrophobic. Like a cult that you'd be afraid to leave because the top brass keep you isolated and disorientated. That's pretty much how I imagine working at rockstar. A bunch of nasty little bullies watching Mean Streets or Scum and stealing ideas for their next game, preferably ideas that will wind up the media and generate undeserved attention.

Rockstar management meet to discuss ideas for GTA V

Maybe they are nice people really. They work in computer games development after all so they're probably just a bunch of nerds with severe hair cuts. They're still a one-trick pony when it comes to their games though, and it's not a trick I'm interested in, although I'm obviously in a minority.